Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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