no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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