make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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