What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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