i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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