It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you win again, gameday.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
