i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
