FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You ruined the universe
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
