he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
