The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
