ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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