I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
