i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize