One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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