he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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