I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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