i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
