Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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