My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This is the high leading the old right now
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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