she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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