I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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