I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How does it feel to date your dad?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
