we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
