He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
