he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize