textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
