Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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