Duck Duck Cougar?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize