your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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