Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
