I wish you could order shots online.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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