Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
