i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize