There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
