they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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