I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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