he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
