i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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