I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
organizing the empties. That sober.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
