Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
