Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
