She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize