How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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