I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Randomize
