best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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