I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
