He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
