Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
