forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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