I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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