11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
