I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
