How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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