Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
