just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize