I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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