She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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