can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
