Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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