i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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