don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
