I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
