I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize