This is not my ceiling
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
