Ambien. No doubt about it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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