I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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