if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
