mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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