he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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