I didn't shave. On purpose
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
