I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
