Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm at about main and main street
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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