I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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