Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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